I Have Issues

Yes, I have issues. They’re mine and I’ve earned them. They don’t belong to anyone else, just me. I’ve developed them and nurtured them. They are unique and peculiar to my tastes.

These worrisome things take up precious time and thought from my life, until I have to hand them over to God or some such higher power who can handle stuff like issues. Then I can breathe free, sleep easily and live without a care until the time comes when I must take back said issues and massage them a bit. Obviously the higher power isn’t handling things to my satisfaction and I must intervene once more to sort out my issues and take care of them myself. This trading off, back and forth, of my inner most concerns has gone on for years with no clear resolve nor actual change in the status of any aforementioned issues.

I don’t seem to be able to “deal” with my problematic issues very well. I’m not sure what that means exactly. How does one “deal” with an issue or anything for that matter? I feel I’m dealing very well when I give a problem to some one or some deity who I believe is more qualified in the area of issue handling. So when I take it back, is that NOT “dealing” with it? Or is that actually ME “dealing” with it? I’m somewhat confused.

If you’ve “dealt” with an issue, does it disappear or does it somehow morph into a  “better” issue? Is that even possible? Is an issue, by definition, bad? Or is it the person that changes after “dealing” with a life concern? If he/she does, is he/she still in possession of the original issue or does it go into the ether, as previously suggested? As convoluted as all this seems, I would like some answers.

At my age, I have a growing number of issues and storage is becoming a problem. The problem is mainly my memory. I can’t keep track of all these pesky problems and I’d like for some of them to disappear. You know, get “dealt” with, whatever that means!

And what the heck is an “issue” anyway? Some of mine I know are pet peeves. My most annoying pet peeve is how cashiers hand out change these days. When I was a cashier in high school and college, I was taught to first count out the coins to the next whole dollar, then count out the bills and then give the receipt. The new technically correct way is to hand out the total amount of change as a lump sum on top of the receipt. What am I supposed to do with a fistful of coins, bills and receipt just plopped in my hand? Really?

Which gets met to my second most annoying pet peeve, which occurs because no one is counting out change – no one actually knows for sure if it is correct! The cashier simply trusts the machine to be right. Granted it usually is, but when it is NOT . . . . . . oh my goodness gracious sakes alive!!!!! Try convincing the cashier (who always seems to be about 12 years old!) that the register has erred and you are not getting the correct change. NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU!!!! BELIEVE ME!!!

Now to my third most annoying issue – no one can add or subtract in their heads any longer. Without a calculator, math simply cannot be done – easy, hard, complicated, first grade to college level calculus, nothing involving numbers can be performed without mechanical assistance. The cashier never believes I’m getting the wrong change because 1) they believe only the cash register and 2) they are unable to calculate the correct change in their head to double check the machine. If everyone gave out change the correct way, this would not happen and three of my issues would be “dealt” with.

Some of my so-called issues are what I would call “mental health quirks”. These are things like 1) I must floss before going to bed or I can’t sleep. 2) I call everyone Sweetie. 3)Runny eggs make me gag. 4)The sound of my own laughter makes me cringe. 5)I’m a sucker for anything in miniature size. I don’t see a real need nor do I have a real desire to do much about these issues. They simply are what they are. On their own, they seem fairly benign and I choose to let them be.

Then there are the phobia issues – the fear of creepy crawly things, of forgetting the words of a speech, of falling, of failing, of being alone or of being in a crowd. These little gems can cripple and maim a person. They can kill joy, kill adventure, kill progress, just kill. These things need to be “dealt” with strongly, decisively and with definite intent. I’ve had some real profound fears in my life and the only thing that I have found that works is truth, courage and head-on collision. Dealing with a fear is a life-long, life-altering concern that requires 1) an honest realization of the true fear, 2) courage to face it and 3) a plan to hit it straight on.

Nothing really changes by hiding or pretending or calling it something else or ignoring it. The issues I have faced in this way have mostly been conquered.The odd thing is – new ones keep popping up. I’ve realized I will have fear issues to conquer and “deal” with the rest of my life. I can choose to let that keep me strong or I can allow it to make me weak. As a Nurse, I’ve always had a strong fear of being weak or helpless, so you can imagine how I react to challenges such as these!

So, I’ve realized an issue is not always an issue – really. An issue is as an issue does – so the old cliche says. In other words, some are okay, some aren’t. Judge them by their actions and effect on you. And if they need to be “dealt” with, do so and get it done, because more are coming!

One more thing about issues – everyone has them!

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3 thoughts on “I Have Issues

  1. Hello Granny,

    I think you are very brave. One of the bravest things someone can do, I think, is to be honest about the things that they have issues with.

    I was a cashier as well and I hate the way that they give change and a receipt. I think that it upsets me because it is cutting down the amount of human contact, saying they won’t do it the proper way because the company doesn’t care enough about their customers to do it accurately, and that it is one way that companies are making humans into machines, instead of interacting breathing feeling human beings. I hate it.

    Everyone knows that no one has time to put one thing away at a time, because they won’t give them to you one thing at a time. It doesn’t save time, the person is there fumbling around trying to deal with everything at one and the cashier is usually wasting time waiting for the receipt to print out completely and she could be giving the money back then. It is rude and it is cause for anyone to be upset and put out and befuddled. I usually stand there and count bills and put things away at my own pace. It is better, I think, than losing something or having something stolen because I am not paying enough attention to it all.

    I have phobias too and I know how hard they can be. I’m sorry dear that you struggle with them. Though I suppose most of us do, it is just so hard to admit to them. Which shows how courageous you are.

    I saw a therapist some years ago who really helped me with the things that would really upset me about other people. She told me that the things that others do that upset us are often things that we do, in some way, and that once we understand why we do them, it helps us to release the emotional backlog and the pet peeve is less powerful and upsetting. I will have to say that this worked for me. One thing that really upsets me is when others are rude to cashiers or other staff in stores. She told me to think of why I think others do it, I said I think they are self-obsessed and don’t care to be kind or make an effort. She said okay now tell me why you do it? I told her I do it because of safety. If someone or something is going on that makes me feel unsafe I will act very monotone and short. We talked about several pet peeves. I did the exercise many times in the next few weeks and every time I did the answer was for safety. I realized how much fear I was carrying around inside me all the time and how rude I was at times and how I rationalized it. It helped me to forgive myself, to slowly start changing my behavior, and how to start doing other things that helped me feel more safe. I do think that understanding what was bothering me about others and how it related to myself, my behavior, and my own life helped me to let go of judging myself so harshly and that helped me to release some of the peeved part of the issue and to let go of some of the emotional impact of what others were doing.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

    • My Sweet Kate – How kind you are in all your words. I found myself learning more about myself the more I wrote. Do you find that happening sometimes? It started out as somewhat humorous and began to become more and more real and intensely personal. I guess that’s what blogs are for; to bring you home to yourself! What a crazy thought! It sure did work this time!

      Thanks for a lovely long visit – Granny

      • Hi Granny,

        Yes I agree, writing is a wonderful way of focusing on what you really are thinking and feeling and going through. I heard one poet in an interview say that she tried to write an angry poem about her sister and what really came out was a poem of love, she said that writing is like that, what you are feeling deep down will emerge and it will help you to figure out things. Before I started writing much, I would talk to others until I figured something out. That worked wonderfully, but I needed others, writing means you can do it on your own. Still I loved to get reactions, feelings, and thoughts from others. It helps me so much to get even further down the road.

        I’m glad that your writing was able to bring you home to yourself; what a wonderful place to be able to be. You are such a treasure, such a wonderful wonderful person, woman and Granny. I’m sure that others feel about you the way that I feel about you. Good and healing thoughts to you.

        Kate

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