When my son Ken got married, we were all very excited. It seemed, at the time, like a perfect match. As time progressed, we learned more about Amy and saw more of her true character.
She turned out to be a very hurtful person and we saw odd changes in our son. Amy was also physically abusive to Ken and he showed many signs of an abused spouse. He started to become less than his best self.
When the breakup finally came, our son was a broken man and Amy was blaming me for everything. Ken cried harder than I had ever seen a grown man cry.
He grieved so hard for all his losses, including the two stepsons he had come to love so dearly. He became almost non-functional for a time.
To say I came to hate Amy would be an understatement. Truly I had never had such feelings for any human being in my life. She had damaged my loving son, intentionally with no regrets. I couldn’t believe my negative feelings towards her.
I was going to hurt her with my negative thoughts. Get revenge with my hateful mind. Maybe damage her the way she had damaged my sweet son.
But the person I was hurting the most was me. I couldn’t sleep. I had headaches. My blood pressure was up and I thought about Amy all day. My life was now being taken by her and I was allowing it to happen.
I had to learn to forgive Amy or become a cripple. First step was wishing her no harm. That came with a lot of prayer and the counsel of others. After months of work, I could honestly say I wished her no harm and did not fantasize about her death any longer. (Yes, I had real issues with her!).
Next step was being able to wish her well. That also was very hard. I had to keep visualizing her two boys and wanting the best mother for them. To do that, I had to think of her being her best self.
I don’t know that any of this has changed Amy but I am now able to sleep, have no more headaches and my blood pressure has returned to normal. I don’t think about her anymore, except very rarely. And when I do, I wish her all the best.
I am certainly the better for it.