I Have Issues

Yes, I have issues. They’re mine and I’ve earned them. They don’t belong to anyone else, just me. I’ve developed them and nurtured them. They are unique and peculiar to my tastes.

These worrisome things take up precious time and thought from my life, until I have to hand them over to God or some such higher power who can handle stuff like issues. Then I can breathe free, sleep easily and live without a care until the time comes when I must take back said issues and massage them a bit. Obviously the higher power isn’t handling things to my satisfaction and I must intervene once more to sort out my issues and take care of them myself. This trading off, back and forth, of my inner most concerns has gone on for years with no clear resolve nor actual change in the status of any aforementioned issues.

I don’t seem to be able to “deal” with my problematic issues very well. I’m not sure what that means exactly. How does one “deal” with an issue or anything for that matter? I feel I’m dealing very well when I give a problem to some one or some deity who I believe is more qualified in the area of issue handling. So when I take it back, is that NOT “dealing” with it? Or is that actually ME “dealing” with it? I’m somewhat confused.

If you’ve “dealt” with an issue, does it disappear or does it somehow morph into a  “better” issue? Is that even possible? Is an issue, by definition, bad? Or is it the person that changes after “dealing” with a life concern? If he/she does, is he/she still in possession of the original issue or does it go into the ether, as previously suggested? As convoluted as all this seems, I would like some answers.

At my age, I have a growing number of issues and storage is becoming a problem. The problem is mainly my memory. I can’t keep track of all these pesky problems and I’d like for some of them to disappear. You know, get “dealt” with, whatever that means!

And what the heck is an “issue” anyway? Some of mine I know are pet peeves. My most annoying pet peeve is how cashiers hand out change these days. When I was a cashier in high school and college, I was taught to first count out the coins to the next whole dollar, then count out the bills and then give the receipt. The new technically correct way is to hand out the total amount of change as a lump sum on top of the receipt. What am I supposed to do with a fistful of coins, bills and receipt just plopped in my hand? Really?

Which gets met to my second most annoying pet peeve, which occurs because no one is counting out change – no one actually knows for sure if it is correct! The cashier simply trusts the machine to be right. Granted it usually is, but when it is NOT . . . . . . oh my goodness gracious sakes alive!!!!! Try convincing the cashier (who always seems to be about 12 years old!) that the register has erred and you are not getting the correct change. NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU!!!! BELIEVE ME!!!

Now to my third most annoying issue – no one can add or subtract in their heads any longer. Without a calculator, math simply cannot be done – easy, hard, complicated, first grade to college level calculus, nothing involving numbers can be performed without mechanical assistance. The cashier never believes I’m getting the wrong change because 1) they believe only the cash register and 2) they are unable to calculate the correct change in their head to double check the machine. If everyone gave out change the correct way, this would not happen and three of my issues would be “dealt” with.

Some of my so-called issues are what I would call “mental health quirks”. These are things like 1) I must floss before going to bed or I can’t sleep. 2) I call everyone Sweetie. 3)Runny eggs make me gag. 4)The sound of my own laughter makes me cringe. 5)I’m a sucker for anything in miniature size. I don’t see a real need nor do I have a real desire to do much about these issues. They simply are what they are. On their own, they seem fairly benign and I choose to let them be.

Then there are the phobia issues – the fear of creepy crawly things, of forgetting the words of a speech, of falling, of failing, of being alone or of being in a crowd. These little gems can cripple and maim a person. They can kill joy, kill adventure, kill progress, just kill. These things need to be “dealt” with strongly, decisively and with definite intent. I’ve had some real profound fears in my life and the only thing that I have found that works is truth, courage and head-on collision. Dealing with a fear is a life-long, life-altering concern that requires 1) an honest realization of the true fear, 2) courage to face it and 3) a plan to hit it straight on.

Nothing really changes by hiding or pretending or calling it something else or ignoring it. The issues I have faced in this way have mostly been conquered.The odd thing is – new ones keep popping up. I’ve realized I will have fear issues to conquer and “deal” with the rest of my life. I can choose to let that keep me strong or I can allow it to make me weak. As a Nurse, I’ve always had a strong fear of being weak or helpless, so you can imagine how I react to challenges such as these!

So, I’ve realized an issue is not always an issue – really. An issue is as an issue does – so the old cliche says. In other words, some are okay, some aren’t. Judge them by their actions and effect on you. And if they need to be “dealt” with, do so and get it done, because more are coming!

One more thing about issues – everyone has them!